Are you there God? It's me, Amy...

So...where to begin? 

Life has been...well, awful...for several months now.  No details.  Those of you who know me already know what the deal is. But, it's hard to get back to any semblance of normalcy when your world is flipped upside down and seems as if it will forever stay that way.

There's the conscious part of your brain - the intelligent part - which tells you that life must somehow go on.  Typically, we don't have too much of a say in that, I suppose. But that other pesky side - the one that controls our emotions, our heart, our soul - that's the real pushy one.  That's the one telling you to stay hidden away in your dark little corner, where life can't get at you anymore.  That dark little corner has been my best friend for several months now, but it's time to branch out to the sunnier side of the room.

When I force myself to look at things logically, there really is no other credible option. Life is going to continue rolling on, whether I'm on the train or not.  Kids on playgrounds will continue to giggle and play, even if I'm not walking by during recess. New couples start to fall in love each and every day, even though my continuing (blessed) journey down that path started over 22 years ago.  Most importantly, the sun is still going to rise tomorrow, whether or not I decide to get out of bed to witness it. Life is out there for each and every one of us.  It's filled with celebrations, graduations, jobs, homes, achievements, families, welcomes, and then, sadly, goodbyes.  When life crashes in on you, it's hard to remember how much the good outweighs the bad.

I'd give anything - everying, in fact - to change the events of the past 18 months.  The part of my life that I miss so much is never going to be back.  It doesn't matter how much I cry, how much I beg, how much I pray.  It just won't change things.  Instead, I have to be the one to find my happy again.  I have to remind myself - every single day - that even when it doesn't feel like it, I'm a very lucky girl. I have a nice home, some special friends, two cats who are more like babies, and most importantly, an amazing, loving husband and family who were right by my side as we faced our battles together.

It's hard to read that list and not feel fortunate.  Maybe you can read that list and point out that you don't have half of those things.  But, I bet you have something (or some things) on your list that are missing from mine, don't you?  We don't all have to be the same, or have the same experiences, to know that life occasionally throws a curve ball that can't be hit out of the park.  Whether it strikes you early in life, or you're fortunate enough to get to middle age unscathed, it sucks. It just plain sucks. But, we're still here, aren't we?

Whether it's that new song just out for the summer, or making plans to see a friend in another state, life is STILL good, and there is still fun to be had.  It's just different. But, it's your own responsiblity to make it a GOOD different.