Retail Hell (How I Sold My Soul to the Store...Confessions of a Tortured Sales Associate) by Freeman Hall

I know, I know. What a BIZARRE book to review. There are so many wonderful, new books to choose from in this crazy worlds, yet *this* is what I choose?!? Yes, ma’am (or sir), I certainly did. Do you remember, way back when I first started with blog (approximately 18 days ago), I made mention of the fact that I read purely for entertainment? That I couldn’t give a rat’s hairy patootie if it had any educational, spiritual, or even literary qualities? Well, here ya go – I give you Retail Hell.
The book is a comical (yet sadly, factual) account of the author’s trek through the muddy waters of retail sales. One (not-so-real) word: Ewww. If you’ve worked – even one day – with the public at large, I think you’ll be able to relate to the sadness that is life behind a cash register (or handbag corral, in this case). Seriously people, it’s not rocket science. It’s harder.

As if working in retail wasn’t enough of a hardship, factor in that the author is a male, assigned to work in the handbag department of The Big Fancy (the fictional name Mr. Hall gave to that scion of snoot, Nordstrom, to avoid any pesky lawsuits). Although he eventually rose to the top of his game, it was quite a climb to get there. Between his snarky co-workers (fondly referred to as The Demon Squad), and a cast of customers that reads like a Saturday Night Live skit (Teddy Bear Lady, The Vampire Bavaro, This Little Piggy, et al), this guy had his work cut out for him.

The chapters have amusing titles, such as Shoposaurus Carnotaurus and The P-Word (it’s ‘purse’ people, get your minds out of the gutter). Some make it easy to figure out the nightmare within, like Babysitting the Devil’s Spawn, and my personal favorite, ‘The Shitting Room.’ I will warn you, however, that latter chapter was NOT an easy read. If you have a strong enough constitution, though, solder on, because you *will* laugh out loud (if you don’t puke first). Personally, I just peed a little.

It’s true that any one of us who has spent *any* time working with the public will have many horror stories to share. (Ask me about the rotisserie chicken I ‘suffocated’ in the supermarket checkout line by using an insulated bag ). Bottom line: We humans are a scary bunch.
I saw a few negative reviews for this book over on Goodreads.com, many of which accused the author of ‘whining’ or complaining too much. My challenge to those people? Work a shift at The Big Fancy (or any other retail store), and then we’ll talk. If you can still be all smiles and rainbows, then you’re a better person than I am.

I will admit that there are far too many of these ‘tell-all’ books cropping up lately. One quick search on Amazon will yield you similar tales told by people in the restaurant, airline, cruise, and hotel industries. And, yes, there were more than a few cursewords and sexual innuendos in this one, so if that sort of stuff offends you, skip it. My overall assessment, though? Well, perhaps I’m just not picky enough, but this book gave me something precious – laughter. And, what else can one ask for when reading for E-N-T-E-R-T-A-I-N-M-E-N-T?

3.5 Stars